


Desiderium

by Andithiel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, But here be hurt and no comfort, Denial of Feelings, Drarropoly: Founders Edition - A Drarry Game/Fest, Enemies with benefit, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hate Sex, I'm sorry but there's no happy ending here, M/M, POV Second Person, There is one if you read the 15 + 4k I have for this verse though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28998954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel
Summary: It’s funny how you can regret something and still keep wanting it so badly.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 19
Kudos: 34
Collections: Drarropoly '20: Founders Edition





	Desiderium

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Drarropoly with the prompt “include a theme of regret in your story.” So my mind went to my fic [I’ll never be your chosen one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774483) because even though it’s over a year since I wrote it, apparently I’m still not over it. This drabble takes place somewhere in the middle of that story I guess, so if you want a happy ending you can soothe your mind by reading that fic (except that it’ll drag you through a sea of angst first for you to reach that happy ending), but you don’t have to read it to understand this one.
> 
> My endless love to my amazing friend [Etalice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etalice/pseuds/Etalice) for looking this over and ~~accusing me of murder~~ encouraging me, your screaming was just what I needed ❤️

It’s funny how you can regret something while you’re still in the middle of doing it.

It’s funny how you can regret something and still keep wanting it so badly.

It’s funny how you can know, intellectually, that you should not have showed up at Potter’s party and fucked him senseless in an empty bathroom on the third floor. 

And yet here you are, giving it to him the way you know he wants it the most.

And yet here you are, slamming your cock into him again, and again. 

And again. 

Whispering filthy words in his ear. Revelling in the moans you draw out of him. Filled with pride at the knowledge that he wants this enough to risk the entire world knowing of his dirty little secret.

You should’ve walked away the first time. Should’ve done it while you still had the chance — the strength — to do so. You already know that, but you’re in too deep now. You’re in too deep and you don’t know how to get out. You don’t know if you even want to.

Because in a twisted, debauched sort of way it feels so good, it always does. It feels incredible 

every

single

time

that you push into him.

Every single time that he shows you how much he wants you to.

Because you know he doesn’t want you, not really. And you know he’d never choose you, not in the way that matters.

So you bite.

And you scratch.

And you tell him how much you loathe him. 

And you tell him how dirty he is. 

And you fuck him rougher than you’ve ever done with anyone else. 

And you suck him off better than anyone else could, because you’re the best, aren’t you? You’re the best and you’ll never 

_ever_

let him forget that.

You'll never ever let him forget how high you’re able to take him. How hard he’ll fall if you were to let go.

You want to wreck him, you need to break him, tear him down, piece by piece. You want to show him his rightful place, because you can’t admit to yourself that he’s already got your heart. 

Because you can’t stand the thought of someone else having him.

And yet, as you come inside him, leaving panting breaths like kisses on his skin; 

And yet, as he clenches around you, your name a muffled groan behind his hand; 

You desperately block out the feeling that what you regret the most is giving your heart away to someone who doesn’t want it.

And the funniest of it all is how you still tell yourself that

you 

are _not_

in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are lovely ❤️
> 
> I'm also [on tumblr](https://andithiel.tumblr.com//)! Come say hi!


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